![]() ![]() ![]() Hell, it rarely requires you to do much at all. Steambot Chronicles is cool like that there’s an overlying story, sure, but progressing it rarely requires you to do anything hard. You can just let the song play, go get a sandwich or something while the game boos you for not doing anything, and it won’t make a lick of difference unless you actually care what a bunch of polygons think about your ability to press buttons. The game doesn’t require you to be good at the stupid minigame you don’t even have to press a button if you don’t want to. It sucks.īut you can make the most of it. Unfortunately, progressing through the game requires you to play along with them, listening to the same songs over and over and contributing with timed button presses. Love, love, love, trouble, trouble, trouble, kisses, kisses, kisses, stuff like that. The game’s songs aren’t American-Idol-auditions-stage-William Hung bad, but they’re fairly generic, sappy tunes that someone could have thought up in the time it takes to sing them. The band that Connie and Savory are in, the Garland Globetrotters (yeah…) spends a lot of the game running about, going to concerts, getting into trouble, and…well, they suck. You can even get a little pimp-fro to go along with it You can do a little careful maneuvering and come out as a pimp. You can be a total ass to Connie, treat her like crap, insult her at every turn, keep talking when she asks you to be quiet, wake her up when she’s sleeping, charge her money for everything she asks you to do, and, instead, hit on her hotter fellow band member, Savory, and make her your main squeeze. It’s pretty obvious she’s supposed to be your girlfriend. Buying her presents, escorting her, saving her from gangsters, stuff like that. The game gives you plenty of opportunities to do nice things for her. Throughout the game, you’re routinely involved with a girl named Connie (actually, her name is Coleander or something like that, but everyone calls him Connie because her real name sucks) Connie is the first person you see when you wake up on a beach without your memory. Well, it’s actually more about fighting robots called trotmobiles, but choice runs a close second. See, Steambot Chronicles is all about choice. And you’d be completely right, because that’s what Vanilla is. When you hear a name like Vanilla, you probably start thinking goofy anime heroes with blonde porcupines for hair. I’m willing to bet that a lot of people, when they read the above, either stopped reading or decided that Steambot Chronicles wasn’t the game for them. In Steambot Chronicles you play as a guy named Vanilla Beans. Hell, it rarely requires you to do much at all." ![]() " Steambot Chronicles is cool like that there’s an overlying story, sure, but progressing it rarely requires you to do anything hard. Steambot Chronicles (PlayStation 2) review ![]()
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